1.
how do ye fele?
how do you feel?
un-mored, ye saye
unmoored, you say
un-mored, as in, a bote floten on a bodie of watere, a solid driften arounde
unmoored, as in, a boat floating on a body of water, a solid drifting around
on a liquyd, thyngs that held ye in the worlde, sutured ye in-to tyme & nou &
on a liquid, things that held you in the world, sutured you into time & now & [a) leave house twice a week at most b) rigid structure to day c) world predictable & knowable & infinitely repeatable (running stitch) d) empty lack of people - stability & predictability & safety e) low chance of balance being upset f) routine is emotional regulation g) you are trying to become solid, calcified, in - - - like a rock? no a fossil (sexy fossil)]
nou
now
& nou
& now
gon, dissolv’d, yforsopied, al to grotes [routine]
gone, dissolved, disintegrated, all to tiny pieces
tyme
expansiv, voide, an unlefliche preuelage but also – unmored
time
expansive, empty, an unbelievable privilege but also – unmoored
here is the - - - firstli
here is the - - - first of all
saye to yoreselfe, iyam a bagge, a sak, of wett, ai, al-wayes, lekinge, iyam ai
say to yourself, i am a bag of liquid, ever, always, leaking, i am eternally
a porus bagge of watere, pisse & shite & shite & teres & squyrt & pisse &
a porous bag of water, piss & shit & shit & tears & squirt & piss &
mucis & slet & mucis mucis slet pisse blod blod, blod & pisse
mucus & snot & mucus mucus snot piss blood blood, blood & piss
saye to yoreselfe iyam not a solide iyam wett & this is gode and sexie and
say to yourself i am not a solid i am wet & this is good and sexy and as it shold be as it should be
sexie
sexy
how sexie
how sexy
ye hav to remembre it is sexie
you have to remember it is sexy
ye ar a bagge of wett & betymes ye leke & sooth þe bagge shal forsopie
you are a bag of wet & sometimes you leak & soon the bag shall dissolve
entire & ye shal leke ayen
entirely & you will leak again
go bak to þe - - -
go back to the - - -
not a solide driften arounde on a liquyd
not a solid drifting around on a liquid
a bagge of wett,
a bag of liquid,
ye
you
tyme moue not for-warde, onli, it ebbe & it floue & it pushe & it hale & it come
time doesn’t only move forward, it ebbs & it flows & it pushes & it pulls & it comes
& it go
& it goes
[…]
2.
Sandor Ferenczi: For, we reflected, what if the entire intrauterine existence of the higher mammals were only a replica of the type of existence which characterised that aboriginal piscine period, and birth itself nothing but a recapitulation on the part of the individual of the great catastrophe which at the time of the recession of the ocean forced so many animals, and certainly our own animal ancestors, to adapt themselves to a land existence, above all to renounce gill-breathing and provide themselves with organs for the respiration of air?
holden yoreself in a bagge it is too much, ye saye, i wante to fucke the see &
holding yourself in a sac is too much, you say, I want to fuck the sea and
forsopie
dissolve
i wante to fucke the see & forsopie
I want to fuck the sea and dissolve
[…]
3.
i wante to fucke the see and forsopie
I want to fuck the sea and dissolve
i wante to be the mist hitten the face of a hyker in the brecon becons / i
I want to be the mist hitting the face of a hiker in the brecon beacons / I
wante to go doun the urethrill chanell of a gote, & up the xylemm of a wodie
want to travel down the urethral channel of a goat, and up the xylem of a woody
stemme pelargonyum / I longe to be the vernish of muciss on the skin of a
stemmed pelargonium / I long to be the sheen of mucus on the skin of a
slug, the jelly-lyke sak of bakteryal cytoplasum / i wante to find mineself in
slug, the jelly-like sac of bacterial cytoplasm / i want to find myself in
the pittd bordels of the endoplasumec rityculum of a nerue celle, som-where
the pitted edges of the endoplasmic reticulum of a nerve cell, somewhere
along the legg of an instagram influencer / to be part of the nile / to be an
along the leg of an instagram influencer / to be part of the nile / to be an
egge, boilen in a pote of bobelen me / i longe to be the snou totrodden
egg, boiled in a pot of bubbling me / I long to be the snow trodden
under-fote on mount kita / to be caustik, vapouring bobels in the botel of
underfoot on Mount Kita / to be the caustic, evaporating bubbles in the bottle of
mountain dew / this be profounde lustfulnesse, an unendeable orgasum
Mountain Dew / this is a profound desire, an unending orgasm
I treuli longe
I truly want
[…]
4.
ye entere the watere, &
you enter the water &
ye unholde yoreself entire
you lose yourself entirely
yore skin moisteþ, fingeres snarcheþ, the hardend cruste of ded skin on yore
your skin becomes moist, fingers pruning, the hardened crust of dead skin on your
heels bicomeþ mothe-wok, than softe, a flatt, whyt wen cross the pigmented
heels will become a squashy, soft white glaze across the pigmented
skein under-neathe
skin underneath
fingere nayles bicomeþ softe & plyant, tresses fannen in euery place, waften
finger nails become soft and pliant, hair fanning in every direction, wafting
fronds lyke see-wede
fronds like seaweed
sands & saltes absorpt bi þe see, biginne to forwere & waste the cortices of
absorbed salts and carried sand particles begin to erode and break down the layers of
yore skin: fyrst the epydermes,
your skin: first the epidermis,
epythelyall lauirs shivere & flake in moiste
epithelial layers gently sloughing off in moist
shides
flakes
the basall lamyna, mor fin then the fin-moste
the basal lamina, finer than the finest
silke, off-lifteþ in one,
floteþ awei from yore bodie lyke diafanys
silk, lifts off in one,
floats away from your body like a diaphanous
ektoplasum, sightful in a moment fore it forsopieþ in the pouning of her
ectoplasm, visible only for a second before it disintegrates in the buffer of her
wawes
waves
the dermys shal be langer to waste doun,
the dermis will take longer to break down,
the coars connectyf tissu shal wit-stand the
the coarse connective tissue resisting the
forweren of þe see
erosion of the sea
The blod vessils, nekid, leke redd wisps in-to her blew – mayhap smal fish
The blood vessels, naked, leak red wisps into her blue – perhaps small fish
shal smelle the nekid blod vessils, & the smal fish acom & shal biginne to
will smell the naked blood vessels, & they come to take small
forbite
bites
blod outburst euer & ai, mor & mor, as smal chunks of flesch are nypped off
blood continues to stream out, more and more, as small chunks of flesh are nipped off
bi the fish-kin, mor chunks & culpouns of ye flaken in-to þe see wit ech
by these fish, particles and hunks of me flaking into the sea with each
cheue of there molares
bite of their teeth
they cheue ye up, thei tak ye awei from her, but no fres: thei shal digeste ye,
they chew you up, they take you away from her, but no matter: they will digest you,
shite some parts
& encorporat other parts in-to their
excrete some parts
& encorporate other parts into their
beinge, & sitthen or soon, thei shal die, & thei too shal liquifie: bi outher wei,
being, & sooner or later, they will die, & they too will liquefy, one way or another
ye shal
you will
sitthen or soon, be part of her
sooner or later, be part of her
yore flesch-fatt, yellew & thik, a jel-lyk shining
yore fat, yellow and thick, a jelly-like sheen
that now is yore upper, this shal nat blende in-to her – it shal
that is now your upper surface, does not dissolve into her – it
need the coars graines of sand
takes the rough sand particles
to forewere yore fatt,
to break off your fat,
not tremblen chunkes, but in stede as a clottid,
not in wobbling chunks, but instead as a clotted,
cloudi emulcioun that shal lifte to the
cloudy emulsion that rises to the
topp & sitte as a spume on her wawes
surface and sits as a froth atop her waves
& finalli, as yore hypodermis falle awei, yore inners ybared
and finally, as your hypodermis falls away, your insides are exposed
connectif tissus upbreste faste & ye
connective tissues break down quickly and you
softli
softly
implode,
implode,
lyke a plume of clottid redd ink,
like a plume of clotted red ink,
ylased wit globose flaks of flesch & organals,
riddled with lumpen aggregates of flesh and organs,
ye scatere,
you disperse,
bicome part of her,
become part of her,
wide-wher,
de-centred,
eueri wher
everywhere
